Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
id be glad to
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
