Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
