The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
