where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
