Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
