This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
