In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
