He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
