***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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