Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
