Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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