No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
