I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
