Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
