I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
