just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
