Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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