How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
