Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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