genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
