I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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