I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
