the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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