Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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