I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
