Will you blow on my dice?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
