Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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