Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
