god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
