The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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