She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
