im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am available for nakedness
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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