she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
