I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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