I seem to have left my pride at pride
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
