The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
