So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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