Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
