My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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