Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
