Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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