"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
