I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
