Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
