Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
