So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
