Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
