Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
