It's just like the Real World with babies
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
