I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
