She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Holy shit dude........stairs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
