Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
