What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
