I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
