The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
