Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
